She’s loved too deeply, with every fibre of her body and every corner of her soul. She’s been wronged and cheated, thrashed in the dirt, put to trials she didn’t deserve and she’s come out from all of it, stronger than ever. She’s been misjudged and bad mouthed, she’s been mistook and given the wrong foul. She’s been trailed for the sins she didn’t do, she’s been denied of a chance to speak in her defence. Her love and tenderness have been mistaken for her naivety and weakness. She’s been heartbroken and alone, she’s been lifting her own weight, wiping off the dust off her body as she gradually stands up. She was once a damsel in distress who became her own knight in shinning armour. She knew she’d have to pay a price for having her own mind. She knew she’d have to give up on things she truly and dearly loved, for they were the demons in disguise. She knew that taking a stand would mean to grow up and let go of what once made her happy for it wasn’t healthy. She knew that the price would be too much to pay, she still did it anyway. For she had loved with every ounce of her being, and fought like a warrior who isn’t scared of martyrdom. But she’s more than a warrior who dies in the battlefield. She’s a Phoenix, who rises from her ashes. She has known pain quite intimately but instead of succumbing to it, she’s worn it like a badge of honour for it’s the pain which has made her who she is today and she wouldn’t give it back for the world. She’s embraced her scars and she’s proud of her struggles. Yes she’s still hurt and it’s going to take a lot more time to heal, but she knows that one day, she’d be on the other end of the river. The end where she’d be a little less lost and a little more content. The end where happiness won’t seem like an illusion anymore.
She’s learnt her lessons the hard way but she’s finally realising that what started off as the love story between her and a particular somebody was actually a medium to pave the way for her love story with herself. And above all, she’s realising that it’s okay, it’s okay for her to love herself without un-loving anybody else. It’s okay if her fairy-tale didn’t come true, for it isn’t the finality of her universe. The distorted ideas of love which were fed to her impressionable mind as a little girl, are finally unveiling their true meaning to the young woman that she is becoming. She’s coming to terms with the fact that above all, the greatest love story that she can ever be in, is the one she has with herself and this story is constantly in the making as she, is constantly in the process of ‘becoming’. It doesn’t mean her love for the other, who wronged her, was not enough. It simply means it wasn’t meant to be for had it been, she wouldn’t have been writing these words, at this hour.
Finally after a long long time, as the tears have dried in the past few minutes, leaving a calmness on her face which was long gone, she’s starting to be okay with the fine mess that she is, finally accepting and embracing the harsh realities of life, the lessons learnt the hard way and the pros and cons that they bring along. She’s in a relationship with herself and for the moment, it’s enough. She’s a fine mess wrapped up in an organised anarchy.
The article is written by our beautiful friend , Anamika Kanchanbaras. You can follow her writings here , The Organised Anarchy and don’t forget to follow her on Facebook.